That's just how I felt when I realized I would soon be a mom. "No, no no!! This is not what I wanted!" I was resisting. It was difficult to accept. Knowing that my life, as I knew it, would soon be ruled by a life that needed my attention constantly or it would not survive. I was selfish. I was angry. I was not ready to put my desires aside for something else.
But now that I've moved on from those feelings, a deep, bubbling feeling is rising inside of me. Excitement. I am absolutely, completely, totally STOKED to be a mom. I am now kicking and squirming, waiting for the day that I get to hold this child and have the amazing opportunity to grow and nurture it to love Jesus and understand the world around him or her. The concept of being a mother sounds totally thrilling to me and I am brimming with anticipation for the day that I get to begin that journey.
Which brings me to the third kind of kicking going on in my life. I felt our baby move in my tummy last Friday and ever since, it's been kicking and squirming up a storm! I have never felt anything like this. Not only does it feel physically weird, but every time I am reminded of that little life inside of me, I am filled with an overwhelming love for everything good in this world. I become filled with such joy and thankfulness for everything in my silly little life that I can't even think straight. Knowing that God gave us this child because He trusts us to raise it well is mind-boggling.
It's the best gift that I could have ever been given.