Jesus Is Enough

So, after a week and a half of very hard, tiring work, we decided to forego potty training at this point. It was a hard decision to make, not just because I want this boy potty trained, but because my stubbornness often causes me to push forward on things that don't really need to happen in the timing I created for myself. I just had so much confidence in us - in myself - that I thought this process would be quick and easy so I could just write a blog about how fantastic everything was going. It wasn't. It isn't. And now that we're moving, it's time to let it go.

Because I turned potty training into a test of just how determined I am as a mother... not about how God is growing Owen and what he needs right now. He is just not at the point where he can communicate to us when he needs to go but he does realize when he has not done things correctly. This just turns into a spiral of frustration and tears, which is not how I want him to think of the potty. So in turning to Jesus and refuting the lies that I am a failure, we are going back to diapers for a couple of months until Owen is really ready to kick this in two days.

I really had to face this fact last weekend when our moving process started. I am not going to be able to work with Owen every hour of the day while we are packing, moving and needing babysitting throughout the next couple of weeks. My dear husband has been encouraging me in this direction for a few days and I finally really heard him and heard the Lord telling me this. I just needed to reach the point of understanding that this has nothing to do with me. And in that, I experience freedom in Christ! Knowing that He - and only He - is enough and will supply me with the strength and courage to get through not getting through this right now.

All that to say, we are moving in five days. FIVE DAYS! We have lived in Newcastle for just over two years now and I'm starting to see that it's not all going to be cake and flowers when we go. I love our little community and although I know we already have a great one waiting for us in Fairwood, change is hard. There are so many great things about Newcastle, but God is moving us. And I know He will do great things in our family as we transition to a new community.

On another note, I wanted to give a quick pregnancy update. I am fourteen weeks now and in my second trimester. I had another appointment today and got to hear the heartbeat for the second time! It was beating very quickly, which makes me wonder if it's a girl! We have six weeks until we can find out the gender and I'm very excited. Not finding out with Owen was really, really fun but it will also be great to know earlier this time around.

All in all, we are really looking forward to the move this weekend but can definitely use prayer for physical and emotional strength as we embark on the journey of moving and building furniture, adjusting to a new place with a toddler and a cat, packing, unpacking and all the other glorious details that come with moving. I'm very thankful that my strength is not my own - especially in a season such as this!! Jesus IS enough, friends - no matter WHAT the enemy tells you!


A New Chapter

I am having trouble beginning this post. It's hard to know where to start. In the last couple of weeks so much has changed for our little family. God is doing a great work in us but I have to admit - it's exhausting! I'll give a little update as to what He's doing but I apologize if it's not very thorough. My mind is so scattered right now.

Referencing our last post, I am now twelve weeks pregnant and our baby is still healthy, growing and very much alive! I am thankful to be close to the end of my first trimester and seem to be coming out of the sleepy fog that is the beginning of every pregnancy for me. I am so thankful for my husband's patience and understanding during this time because nine times out of ten he comes home to me sitting around like a blob with no idea what I want to do about dinner.

That's the other thing - most food doesn't really sound good in my first trimester so that whole feeding my family thing? Yeah, it kind of doesn't happen around here for a while. It's highly frustrating when I feel like I can't accomplish a few simple things to serve my family. But again, my husband has been extremely patient with me and lowered his expectations greatly, which has made everything so much easier. Let me tell you, expectations kill marriage. Not that I never have them - far from the fact - but usually when I am upset about something involving Nick, it has to do with me expecting something of him that I either a) did not express to him directly or b) he has never done so why would he start right now? Don't listen to the lies, ladies! Your husband can never and will never completely fulfill you. That's not his job.

Sorry for the mini-rant there. Didn't see that coming!

In addition to knowing for sure that our second child is imminent, we finally secured where we will live in this next stage of life. Our lease on our little condo is up at the end of June so we have been searching this last month to find where God wants us to be. We were looking into buying a house for a while but the idea just wasn't sitting right with us. No house was popping out at us and we just couldn't ignore how close we are to paying off our student loans.

So we decided to listen to the little Dave Ramsey on our shoulder and will be signing our lease this week for a 3-bedroom, 2-bath apartment in Fairwood. Everything about this place feels right to us and I am really excited to move! It is about 300 square feet larger than our current place, which is going to feel huge. Even though it's an apartment, the layout is great for hosting friends and family and with the third bedroom we aren't going to feel nearly as cramped, even after welcoming our second baby in December. I can't wait to see how God uses our next home to minister to others and grow our family emotionally, physically and spiritually!

On the side of everything else, my photography business is exploding. This is something I didn't expect this year. I will be shooting more than ten weddings in 2012 in addition to all sorts of family and portrait shoots in between and when I look ahead at my calendar, I start to feel very anxious. Right now I am choosing to blog instead of edit pictures and while that's probably a poor choice for some reasons, it feels really good to just listen to the rain and type out what's going on around me.

To everyone reading this who has supported my business so far through babysitting, referrals, encouragement, not to mention actually hiring me... thank you. I am so amazed and blessed by being able to do what I love and still be a wife and mom first. It gives me so much joy to know that when I went to film school, this is what God really had in mind for me.

Among other things, this is what's been taking up my brain recently. Oh, and the fact that today was Day 1 of potty training boot camp for Owen and I. I am totally wiped from this morning but in a few days, I hope to post about our experience. Prayers for perseverance and patience for both parties would be much, MUCH appreciated. It's tough to keep the end goal in mind when it's so easy to get caught up in the little failures along the way.

Thank you, friends! Love you lots!