I love my baby.
No really. I LOVE my baby.
I don't think I knew what this meant when Owen was born. I mean yes, there was an amazement and awe there in seeing my child for the first time but I don't think I understood motherly love yet. There's just so much to take in when you all of a sudden become a parent. You all of a sudden have a whole armful of new responsibilities (literally!) and there's so much to learn. It becomes a bit daunting and the first few weeks for me were very instinctual: you take care of your baby because that's what you do. You don't have a choice because this child needs you to survive. But as the weeks go on, I'm finding much more joy and love in the whole process.
Now that Owen and I are experts at the whole breastfeeding process and he's establishing an awesome sleep pattern we've moved past the initial survival mode and things are becoming more exciting and enjoyable. Owen is so responsive and he really loves communicating with Nick and I so it's becoming much more interesting talking to him and interacting with him as he learns and grows. It's just amazing watching his little brain expand and take the world in as he stares in my eyes and works to figure out what it is I'm saying to him. He loves to smile at Nick and I even when we're just looking at him. I can't wait to see who this little man is that's waiting to blossom!
Owen is the most interesting little person I have ever met. He is, without a doubt, the cutest baby in the world and I just love watching him! I now understand those "mom looks" that my mom would give me that made me roll my eyes. I understand now that she was seeing me as the baby I once was and was recalling those past precious moments where I actually wanted to be snuggled by her and I needed her more than anything else in the world. I can already feel myself giving Owen "mom looks" and I know I will one day drive him crazy when he's a teenager and I'm still gazing at him as if he's still my little baby.
I guess that's part of being a firstborn. You are your parents' first shot at taking care of a little one. You are the guinea pig and therefore get the most pictures, the most attention, and the most mistakes (usually). I'm so happy that Owen is my firstborn baby boy and I am so excited to watch him grow and watch our relationship get stronger and even more filled with love. Every day I feel like I love him even more than the day before! It's so wonderful.
This also further puts God's love into perspective for me. Not only do I greater understand the love He has for us as His created children, but also the incredible relationship He has with Jesus and the unbelievable sacrifice that He made for us. Now having a firstborn and only son (...for now), I shake my head at the idea of giving him up to die for sins that weren't even his. What an incredible God we have and what an incredible love He has for us. We are SO LOVED. Through loving my son, I feel more able to accept the love that I am being given every day. What a beautiful world.