Okay, deep breath. This post is definitely Spirit-led and takes a lot of guts for me to share. So here we go.
You want to know something ridiculous? I have spent hours creating and tweaking my Facebook profile and timeline to make them look the way I want them to. Literally hours. Why? It's kind of for myself, but the deep-down, yucky truth is that I want to look good. To you, to people I don't really know, to friends that are in a similar life stage as me, to those who wish they were in my life stage, etc. It's embarrassing and awful.
Truthfully, I am really concerned with how I look to others and how I showcase my life to those around me. Sometimes I play it off as me wanting to be missional on the Internet, but really - how many of my online posts are God-glorifying alone... Not just "me-glorifying" disguised as something that looks semi-religious?
Hi, my name is Rachel and I'm a people-pleaser.
This is an idolatrous sickness in me that I battle with daily. I'm tired of keeping up appearances and I'm tired of people thinking that my life is perfect because I only show the pretty parts. Granted, I have a lot of genuine joy and thankfulness for where God has me and I absolutely love the gifts He has chosen for my life, but believe me - I'm not spending all day skipping with glee that my primary job is taking care of my family. There are definitely moments where I wish I was single and living in California, doing whatever I feel like. But do I make that known on Facebook? Nope.
All this being said, I just wanted to take a minute to talk about how NOT picture-perfect my life is, in hopes to be more honest about my life.
First, I am ridiculously prideful, self-righteous and judgmental. Now that's not something I want to advertise on a daily basis, but there you go. It's a minute-by-minute struggle for me every day. You've heard of the term "critical thinker"? Well in my case, I have a commentator in my head all day and her name is "critical". I wish I could permanently shut her up but the only way to fight it is by shouting biblical truth back at her. It gets exhausting and I don't always win but I'm thankful for the progress the Lord has made with me so far.
Also, despite whatever I post or advocate, I am NOT the perfect mom with all the right answers. I have very strong options about a lot of things when it comes to parenting but that doesn't mean I know everything or that those opinions are the best for every family. And by the way, as I'm telling you this, I also preaching to myself. See the previous paragraph.
Another thing I've recently discovered is how addicted to sugar I am. My body is in desperate need of a diet change. Not to lose weight, but to gain energy. I spend so much of my days refueling because of a sugar crash - not because of hunger - and all it does is leave me exhausted, empty and unmotivated. I sincerely desire a woman to be accountable to in this area. Perhaps someone looking for the same type of change as I am. Are you that person? I'm totally serious about this.
At the end of the day, I'm still a saint in Christ and a sinner in the flesh, just like any other Christian out there. I'm no better than you - just on the same rewardingly exhausting path of sanctification. And please, if you see me projecting an image that is distorted from that truth, please call me out. Seriously. I praise the Lord for any Christian who loves me enough to redirect me to Christ!
